Teaching Emotional Regulation in Kids: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers
Anna I. Guerdjikova, PhD, LISW, CCRC
Director of Administrative Services, Harold C. Schott Foundation Eating Disorders Program
Lindner Center of HOPE
What is Emotional Regulation for Kids?Emotional regulation refers to the process of generating and maintaining an emotion, as well as the ability to modulate its intensity and frequency in order to achieve socioemotional competence and sustain mental health. In modern society, from an early age, kids learn inhibition to down-regulate our emotions (for example, not to cry in public or not to say anything when angry) which often results in emotional restraint. True emotional regulation is reached through focused monitoring, evaluating, and modifying of our emotional reactions and depends on the person’s age, temperamental characteristics and environmental circumstances. Examples of Emotional RegulationSome examples of successfully practicing emotional regulation include:
When Do Emotional Regulation Skills Emerge in Kids?Emotional regulation skills build as kids age and their brains mature. Thus, adults must understand that some of the time, the child is not difficult or spoiled, but developmentally or circumstantially unable to regulate their emotions. Understanding how kids regulate emotion can help build empathy and strengthen family systems and relationships. How to Teach Emotional RegulationHere are a few practical ways you can support and strengthen your child’s ability to manage emotions in everyday moments. Ways to Help Kids with Emotional Regulation (with Examples!)Create safe space for all emotionsThe good, the bad and the ugly. Being happy should be equally accepted in the family as being angry or sad. Model emotional regulation for your kidsWork on naming your emotion, the reasons for it (if you know!), and the solution you have. Be aware of your reaction to emotional dysregulation in kidsThe goal is to learn to respond to their outburst rather than react. Prepare and reflectWhen a challenging situation lays ahead, take the time to prepare yourself and the child for it and afterwards reflect on how preparation and having a rescue plan helped to minimize emotional outbursts. What Not to Do When Teaching Emotional RegulationDon’t ignore or minimize kids’ emotionsThey might seem overly dramatic, unnecessary, or inconvenient (airport tantrums, anyone?) but for the child they are real and often intense. Work on acceptance that even if we don’t get it, it is real for them and our job is to validate their struggle/excitement and teach them how to better self-regulate. Don’t pretend you “feel it for them” if you do notIt is okay to state, “I don’t know what you are going through but I am here for you and I am willing to help you out in any way I can.” Don’t try to “fix it” or make it go awayEmotions are fleeting: they can feel very intense when they occur, but most of them resolve or lose their overpowering force if the person “stays with it” (recognizes it, tolerates the distress for negative emotions and responds, rather than reacts) for long enough. Learning this skill early on can be truly helpful in adulthood. Don’t dwell on the emotion for too longWhile it’s important to acknowledge and sit with feelings, over-focusing on them can amplify distress or create a sense of helplessness. After validation, gently guide your child toward regulation, whether that’s through calming strategies, problem-solving, or a shift in activity. Don’t overlook physical needsA tired, hungry, or overstimulated child can’t regulate emotions well. Emotions are felt in the body, and learning how the body reacts to them is a crucial step in recognizing and further regulating them. Emotional Regulation Activities for Kids5 4 3 2 1 Grounding Exercise for Emotional RegulationThere are many ways to focus on the “now” to help tame an emotional outburst. A simple example is the 5 4 3 2 1 Grounding Exercise. It can distract from the anxiety trigger, focus the person on the present moment, and help them relax in their body. How to do the 5 4 3 2 1 Grounding TechniqueAsk the person to name:
This can be shortened to 4-3-2-1 or even 3-2-1, depending on the circumstances. Deep Breathing for Emotional RegulationTeach yourself and your young ones deep breathing. Yoga Dragon breath and the Camel pose can be fun, quick ways to release tension. Movement, Music & Sensory Activities for Emotional Regulation“Explode like a volcano” or “Balloon technique” can be practiced anywhere and most children under 10 years of age find it helpful. Pretend you explode like a volcano or a popped balloon- you can jump up and model the eruption with your hands and make a lot of loud dramatic volcano sounds. Using movement, music and sensory activities can help further relax and refocus one’s brain. Prioritize Physical Needs for Emotional RegulationEmotional regulation is impossible in a body with unmet basic needs, namely being tired, hungry, thirsty, lonely or sick. Daily self-care, particularly getting enough rest depending on the person’s age, should be encouraged and taught by parents, especially to teens and young adults who have more autonomy and can make the connection between being overly tired and overly emotional. Helping Kids Build Emotional StrengthEmotional regulation is a skill that takes time, support, and practice to develop. By creating space for big feelings, modeling healthy coping, and responding with empathy, caregivers can nurture a child’s ability to manage emotions with confidence. While no strategy will eliminate every outburst, consistent guidance and connection will lay the foundation for resilience, stronger relationships, and lifelong mental wellness. If your child is struggling with emotional regulation, you’re not alone. The Lindner Center of Hope offers specialized child and adolescent treatment programs designed to support emotional development, mental wellness, and family healing. Learn more about our services. |