Teaching Emotional Regulation in Kids: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers

What is Emotional Regulation for Kids?

Emotional regulation refers to the process of generating and maintaining an emotion, as well as the ability to modulate its intensity and frequency in order to achieve socioemotional competence and sustain mental health. In modern society, from an early age, kids learn inhibition to down-regulate our emotions (for example, not to cry in public or not to say anything when angry) which often results in emotional restraint. 

True emotional regulation is reached through focused monitoring, evaluating, and modifying of our emotional reactions and depends on the person’s age, temperamental characteristics and environmental circumstances. 

Examples of Emotional Regulation

Some examples of successfully practicing emotional regulation include:

• calming oneself down after something exciting or upsetting happens, 
• sustaining focus on repetitive tasks, 
• refocusing attention on a new task, 
• and controlling impulsive behaviors. 

When Do Emotional Regulation Skills Emerge in Kids?

Emotional regulation skills build as kids age and their brains mature. Thus, adults must understand that some of the time, the child is not difficult or spoiled, but developmentally or circumstantially unable to regulate their emotions. Understanding how kids regulate emotion can help build empathy and strengthen family systems and relationships.

How to Teach Emotional Regulation

Here are a few practical ways you can support and strengthen your child’s ability to manage emotions in everyday moments.

Ways to Help Kids with Emotional Regulation (with Examples!)

Create safe space for all emotions

The good, the bad and the ugly. Being happy should be equally accepted in the family as being angry or sad.

Example: Being angry or sad should be equally accepted in the family as being happy.

Model emotional regulation for your kids

Work on naming your emotion, the reasons for it (if you know!), and the solution you have.

Example: “I am very upset right now” (the feeling) “because you hit your sister” (the reason) “so I will take a moment to regroup and then we will talk about how I am feeling and what helps me go through it” (the solution).

Be aware of your reaction to emotional dysregulation in kids

The goal is to learn to respond to their outburst rather than react.

Example: If your child begins to scream when screen time ends, you may be tempted to yell back or slam the door and leave. Instead, with practice, you can observe their emotion, acknowledge and empathize with it, and work through it together.

Prepare and reflect

When a challenging situation lays ahead, take the time to prepare yourself and the child for it and afterwards reflect on how preparation and having a rescue plan helped to minimize emotional outbursts.

Example: Before a doctor’s appointment: “You might feel nervous when we get there. If you start to feel upset, you can hold my hand or squeeze your fidget toy.” After the visit: “You were nervous, but you stayed calm. What helped you the most?”

What Not to Do When Teaching Emotional Regulation

Don’t ignore or minimize kids’ emotions

They might seem overly dramatic, unnecessary, or inconvenient (airport tantrums, anyone?) but for the child they are real and often intense. Work on acceptance that even if we don’t get it, it is real for them and our job is to validate their struggle/excitement and teach them how to better self-regulate.

Don’t pretend you “feel it for them” if you do not

It is okay to state, “I don’t know what you are going through but I am here for you and I am willing to help you out in any way I can.”

Don’t try to “fix it” or make it go away

Emotions are fleeting: they can feel very intense when they occur, but most of them resolve or lose their overpowering force if the person “stays with it” (recognizes it, tolerates the distress for negative emotions and responds, rather than reacts) for long enough. Learning this skill early on can be truly helpful in adulthood.

Don’t dwell on the emotion for too long

While it’s important to acknowledge and sit with feelings, over-focusing on them can amplify distress or create a sense of helplessness. After validation, gently guide your child toward regulation, whether that’s through calming strategies, problem-solving, or a shift in activity.

Don’t overlook physical needs

A tired, hungry, or overstimulated child can’t regulate emotions well. Emotions are felt in the body, and learning how the body reacts to them is a crucial step in recognizing and further regulating them.

Emotional Regulation Activities for Kids

5 4 3 2 1 Grounding Exercise for Emotional Regulation

There are many ways to focus on the “now” to help tame an emotional outburst. A simple example is the 5 4 3 2 1 Grounding Exercise. It can distract from the anxiety trigger, focus the person on the present moment, and help them relax in their body. 

How to do the 5 4 3 2 1 Grounding Technique 

Ask the person to name: 

• 5 things they can SEE in the room (have them list them out loud)
• 4 things they can FEEL (sock on my feet, knots in my belly)
• 3 things they can HEAR (my voice, radio)
• 2 things they can SMELL right now (my coffee)
• 1 thing they can TASTE (if not in the moment, what did they taste last night). 

This can be shortened to 4-3-2-1 or even 3-2-1, depending on the circumstances.

Deep Breathing for Emotional Regulation 

Teach yourself and your young ones deep breathing. Yoga Dragon breath and the Camel pose can be fun, quick ways to release tension.  

Movement, Music & Sensory Activities for Emotional Regulation 

“Explode like a volcano” or “Balloon technique” can be practiced anywhere and most children under 10 years of age find it helpful. Pretend you explode like a volcano or a popped balloon- you can jump up and model the eruption with your hands and make a lot of loud dramatic volcano sounds. Using movement, music and sensory activities can help further relax and refocus one’s brain.

Prioritize Physical Needs for Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is impossible in a body with unmet basic needs, namely being tired, hungry, thirsty, lonely or sick. Daily self-care, particularly getting enough rest depending on the person’s age, should be encouraged and taught by parents, especially to teens and young adults who have more autonomy and can make the connection between being overly tired and overly emotional.

Helping Kids Build Emotional Strength

Emotional regulation is a skill that takes time, support, and practice to develop. By creating space for big feelings, modeling healthy coping, and responding with empathy, caregivers can nurture a child’s ability to manage emotions with confidence. While no strategy will eliminate every outburst, consistent guidance and connection will lay the foundation for resilience, stronger relationships, and lifelong mental wellness.

If your child is struggling with emotional regulation, you’re not alone. The Lindner Center of Hope offers specialized child and adolescent treatment programs designed to support emotional development, mental wellness, and family healing. Learn more about our services.