“Are You Sure?”: The Paradox of Reassurance Seeking in OCD
By Jennifer B. Wilcox-Berman, PsyD
Psychologist, Lindner Center of Hope
Imagine that you are several minutes into your drive to work when you suddenly have the thought, Did I close the garage door? You try to remember pressing the button before you left, but you can’t quite recall. You tell yourself that you probably did, but then you begin to wonder whether you’re remembering yesterday’s trip instead. You consider turning around to check, but instead call your partner and ask if it’s closed. When they say yes, you feel an immediate sense of relief. For the moment, you have your answer—and you can move on with your day.
Later that week, you have a difficult conversation with a friend and afterward begin wondering whether you handled it appropriately. You replay the conversation, questioning whether you said too much or came across as insensitive. You decide to ask your partner, “Do you think that was okay to say, or does it seem mean?” They reassure you that everything is probably fine, and you feel better for a while. But then you begin wondering why they said it was “probably” fine, whether they are just trying to help you feel better, whether you left out something important, or whether you should ask someone else.
Most people experience moments of doubt and occasionally seek reassurance. Having the thought Did I close the garage door? or wondering whether you said something insensitive does not, by itself, mean someone has OCD. What distinguishes OCD is when these doubts become persistent, distressing, or difficult to dismiss, and compulsive behaviors begin to take up significant time or interfere with daily life, relationships, work, or other important activities.
These examples illustrate how reassurance seeking can become part of the OCD cycle. OCD involves obsessions—intrusive, unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that cause distress or uncertainty—and compulsions, which are behaviors or mental acts performed to reduce that distress, gain certainty, or prevent something feared from happening. Although compulsions may provide temporary relief, they ultimately reinforce the OCD cycle. Reassurance seeking can be easy to overlook as a compulsion because it may look like ordinary conversation, asking for advice, or seeking information. When reassurance is repeatedly used to reduce doubt or relieve distress, it can become a compulsion.
It is important to distinguish reassurance seeking from seeking information. Information seeking helps us determine what we need to know or do, while reassurance seeking is driven by a need to feel certain or relieve distress. The difference is not always in the question itself, but in what the person is hoping the answer will accomplish. With OCD, a person may continue seeking answers even after receiving them because the reassurance has not provided the lasting sense of certainty they are seeking.
This is where reassurance can become an endless pursuit. An answer may provide relief for a few minutes, but OCD can quickly generate another question: But what if…? The person may ask the same question in a different way, seek reassurance from someone else, or search for additional evidence. Each time reassurance reduces distress, it can reinforce the behavior, teaching the brain that uncertainty needs to be resolved rather than tolerated. Over time, the urge to seek reassurance can become stronger, making it increasingly difficult to move forward without it.
Paradoxically, repeatedly seeking reassurance can also undermine confidence in one’s own judgment. When a person consistently looks outside themselves for certainty, they have fewer opportunities to learn that they can tolerate doubt and trust themselves. Over time, they may begin to question their memory, judgment, or ability to know when they have enough information. Reassurance that was intended to provide confidence can leave them with more questions. Breaking this cycle does not mean never asking questions, seeking advice, or relying on others. Instead, the goal is to recognize when seeking information has shifted and become compulsive.
If you or a loved one is struggling with excessive reassurance seeking or suspects they may have OCD, it may be helpful to seek treatment from a mental health professional who specializes in OCD.
Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is a first-line, evidence-based treatment for OCD. It is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that helps people gradually face situations that trigger their fears while resisting compulsions. Through this process, people learn that they can tolerate uncertainty and distress without needing to perform compulsions or obtain reassurance.
Instead of continuing to seek reassurance, a person can learn to respond, “Maybe, maybe not. I don’t need to know for sure or figure this out right now.” With practice, they can become more comfortable with uncertainty and more confident in their ability to handle it without needing reassurance.
References
Abrams, Z. (2026). CE Corner: Diagnosing and treating obsessive-compulsive disorder. Monitor on Psychology, 57(3).
Salkovskis, P. M., & Kobori, O. (2015). Reassuringly calm? Self-reported patterns of responses to reassurance seeking in obsessive-compulsive disorder. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 49, 203–208.
Volpacchio, A. C., et al. (2026). Clinician use of ERP principles in conceptualization and response to OCD clients seeking reassurance. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic, 90(1), 58–?.
Saint Louis Behavioral Medicine Institute. (n.d.). Patient resource on reassurance seeking and OCD. Distributed by the International OCD Foundation.