Connection as the Key to Well-Being
Harnessing the power radical openness to enhance connection and psychological well-being.
We as humans, from a biological perspective, are meant to be vulnerable and connected beings. We aren’t the strongest or fastest species, and yet humans dominate the animal kingdom. We do this because of our ability to have and express our emotions and thoughts to others, listen to and respect the thoughts and emotions of others, and to connect and work together.
Despite this innate human characteristic, many of us struggle to let our guards down and be open to others. We often find ourselves compulsively striving for perfection or insisting our way is the right way. Somewhere along the way, we got the message that if we only try harder and be better, our life too will be better. Or we may have come to believe that showing emotions makes us weak and pushes people away. This way of coping is like a suit of armor, we might feel it protects us and makes us stronger, but it actually weighs us down and guards us from others. Remember that we are meant to live in connection with other people, and research shows that this “over-controlled” form of coping contributes to anxiety, depression, and emotional loneliness because it works against connection.
Instead of coping in this way, radical openness is the pathway to well-being. It connects us with our core, authentic human nature and involves three main components:
- Openness and Receptivity
- Authenticity and Vulnerability
- Flexibility and Silliness
Openness And Receptivity.
“We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.” Our unique brains and experiences contribute to how we see the world; thus we are all going to experience the world differently. Examine this inkblot. What do you see? What is the “right” answer?
There isn’t one. How often do we get so stuck on our perspective that we reject others in the process? Radical openness encourages us to acknowledge our own inner experiences, while holding space for other people’s experiences. It is being aware of our own bias and allowing ourselves to grow and learn from what the world has to offer. Doing so will help us live more harmoniously with others and in turn, enhance our own well-being.
Vulnerability and Authenticity. Despite how scary it might feel, being open with ourselves and vulnerable with others builds connection. When was mask our emotions, hide behind the façade that “all is well,” or compulsively strive for perfection, we create emotional loneliness in our own lives. Research shows that people like people who openly revel themselves, they are seen as more trustworthy, and we want to spend more time with them. When we are authentic and vulnerable with the world, others feel safer with us, and in turn we feel more connected to others. Vulnerability creates peace in our inner world and builds community in our outer world.
Flexibility and Silliness. We live in a world that is constantly changing and is unpredictable. Yet, we feel we must be in control and expect ourselves to be perfect all the time. Sometimes we take life too seriously and block ourselves from joy. Radical Openness encourages us to be flexible, to step outside our comfort zone, and have some fun. We are not production robots. We are humans with a life, and life is meaningful when we allow ourselves to flexibly participate. Having a balance between productivity and enjoyment helps sustain our psychological health.
So remember, when it comes to navigating this crazy thing called life, do so with openness, vulnerability, and flexibility. That is what it means to be human. Embrace your humanness and embrace the humanness in others. Connection is the key.
Written by Allison Mecca, PsyD
Staff Psychologist
Lindner Center of Hope
Concepts based on Lynch, T. R. (2018). The Skills Training Manual for Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy. If you interested in learning more about radical openness and treatment for over-controlled coping, please contact the Lindner Center of Hope or visit lindnercenterofhope.org/dialectical-behavioral-therapy/.