Understanding the Grieving Process When a Pet Dies: Support for Individuals, Families, and Therapists

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By Nancy Ferguson, MSW, LISW-S
Telehealth Outpatient Therapist, Lindner Center of Hope

Losing a beloved pet is a profound and painful experience. For many, a companion animal is not just a pet—they are a source of unconditional love, a dear friend, or a member of the family. Yet, despite the importance of this kind of grief, companion animal loss is often overlooked or minimized by society.

 

 

 

Why Pet Loss Hurts So Much

The human-animal bond is deep and complex. Animal companions can provide strong emotional connection, physiological soothing (and stress!), and even contribute to our sense of purpose and meaning in life. We share our lives, work together, and care for and protect each other. As a result, grieving the loss of a dog, cat, horse, or other companion animal can mirror the bereavement process following the death of a close human family member. When a pet dies, people may experience:

  • Profound sadness, loneliness, and feelings of emptiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Changes in appetite
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Disruption to social activities and isolating behavior
  • Nightmares or panic attacks
  • Physical symptoms like fatigue, headache, nausea, and gastrointestinal disturbances

In one study, nearly 93% of grieving pet owners reported significant life disruptions following the death of their pet. Many struggled with guilt, wondering if they might have made the wrong decisions at the end of life or if they might have been able to prevent the loss.

For people who relied on their pets for emotional support, the absence of that bond can be profoundly destabilizing. If symptoms like insomnia, anxiety, depressed mood, or suicidal thoughts appear, referral for mental health support is important.

Disenfranchised Grief: When Mourning Isn’t Recognized

Despite the painful toll of losing a pet, our society often fails to recognize it as a legitimate form of bereavement. There are few commonly accepted rituals or public expressions of mourning for pet loss Friends, coworkers, and even family may unintentionally minimize or ignore the pain.

This type of sorrow is sometimes called disenfranchised grief—grief that is real, but isn’t always seen, acknowledged, or supported by others.

When society doesn’t validate a person’s pain, they may feel ashamed or alone in their suffering. That’s why it’s essential—for friends, family, and especially mental health professionals—to create safe, compassionate spaces for pet owners to grieve.

Who May Struggle the Most

Not everyone experiences pet loss in the same way. The varying roles that animals have in our lives contribute to the intensity of the difficulty we experience following a loss. Certain individuals appear to be more vulnerable to prolonged or complicated grief:

  • Elderly or socially isolated individuals who relied on their pet for companionship
  • Individuals who live alone
  • Those who viewed their pet as a surrogate child or as a kind of life partner
  • Those grieving another recent loss of a loved one, for whom the pet was a symbol of continuity
  • People whose pets died of a disease that previously claimed the life of another family member, such as cancer
  • People who share an illness with their pet experience the loss as deeply personal
  • Owners with significant life events tied to the animal, such as a dog who was adopted during a crisis or who was a gift from a deceased loved one
  • Owners who have preexisting conditions which the pet helped to alleviate or make more manageable through emotional or physical support

In these cases, intense or complicated grief is the natural result of the precious role an animal played in the individual’s life.

Processing Grief in a Healthy Way

By recognizing the psychological weight of companion animal loss and validating the emotional experiences of grieving clients, professionals can guide individuals toward healing and reinvestment in life. We can do our best to:.

  • Encourage open emotional expression in a supportive, judgment-free space
  • Normalize the grief response, helping clients understand that their reactions are valid and not pathological
  • Reframe memories in a positive light, highlighting the lasting value of the relationship
  • Support social needs, encouraging grieving pet owners to seek connection
  • Encourage memorialization to honor the pet’s memory and the bond shared, including commemorative acts such as planting a tree, donating to an animal shelter, or creating a photo album.

Many grieving pet owners eventually find comfort in acts of service or tribute. Some volunteer with animal organizations, adopt another animal in need when ready, or simply carry forward the values of love and companionship that their pet embodied.

A Path Forward: Grief, Growth, and Meaning

It’s important to know that healing after pet loss is not linear. It moves in waves—good days, hard days, and everything in between. And that’s okay. The often-cited “stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance ) can overlap, repeat, and change over time. Acceptance does not mean forgetting—it means finding a way to live with the loss while remaining open to future connection, experiences of love, and finding meaning. If you are struggling with pet loss and bereavement, the professionals at the Lindner Center of Hope are here to support you.

Suggested Reading:

For Pet Owners

  • Goodbye, Friend: “Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet (2012) by Gary Kowalski is a warm, reflective, and comforting book to help individuals honor their pet’s memory and move through grief with compassion.
  • The Loss of a Pet: A Guide to Coping with the Grieving Process when a Pet Dies(2014) by Wallace Sife is a compassionate and insightful resource that helps pet owners understand and navigate the emotional challenges following the death of a beloved pet. It addresses the depth of the human-animal bond, the unique nature of pet loss grief, and offers practical guidance for healing, support, and finding meaning after loss.
  • Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief (2020) by David Kessler. This book shares powerful tools to help readers move forward in a way that honors our loved ones, and is an inspiring read for anyone looking to journey away from suffering, through loss and towards meaning that can transform loss into a more peaceful and hopeful experience.

For Professionals

  • Mourning Companion Animals: Guiding Clients from Loss to Legacy(2024) by Susan Dowd Stone. Mourning Companion Animals is a guidebook for mental health clinicians searching for effective, compassionate resources to guide their clients through the often-devastating experience of animal companion loss. Chapters offer powerful and comprehensive strategies to heal animal companion loss based on sound, evidence-based, theoretical perspectives. The included author-generated inventory, the animal companion bereavement questionnaire, provides further assistance in clinician exploration of each client’s unique bond with their lost companion.
  • Pet Loss, Grief, and Therapeutic Interventions: Practitioners Navigating the Human-Animal Bond (2020). Edited By Lori Kogan & Phyllis Erdma. This book recognizes and legitimizes the significance of pet and animal loss by exploring the various expressions of trauma and grief experienced by those who work with, live with, or own an animal or pet. The book weaves together cutting-edge research with best practices and practical clinical advice for working with grieving clients. Beginning with an overview of the human–animal bond, the book guides readers through the many facets of pet loss, including topics such as animal hospice and euthanasia, offering a comprehensive account of one of the field’s most rapidly emerging areas. Designed to help mental health professionals support clients coping with pet loss, the collection explores personal narratives, current theories, up-to-date research, and future directions.

References

Ross, Cheri Barton & Baron-Sorenson, Jane, Pet Loss and Human Emotion: A Guide to Recovery (2a Edition), New York, Routledge, 2007.

Spain, B., O’Dwyer, L., & Moston, S. (2019). Pet Loss: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief, Memorial Use, and Posttraumatic Growth. Anthrozoös, 32(4), 555–568.

Pet Loss and Human Bereavement (1991) Eds. William J. Kay, Herbert A. Nieburg et al.. Ames, Iowa State University Press.

Sharkin, Bruce S. & Knox, Donna, “Pet Loss: Issues and Implications for the Psychologist”, in Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol. 34, N. 4, 2003, pp.414-421.

Clements, Paul T. et al., “Support for Bereaved Owners of Pets” in Perspectives in Psychiatric Care, Vol. 39, N. 2, 2003, pp. 49-54.