Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship
By Kristina Tracy, LISW-S
Outpatient Therapist
We all know that relationships take work, yet we often forget how to do that work! Studies show that people who are more socially connected to family, friends, or their community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer. It is the quality of your relationship that matters.
Most of us do not put the time into our relationship that is needed. We often expect ourselves to be masters of our relationships with little to no effort given. Making time for each other and our needs must become more of a priority.
Dr. John and Julie Gottman have been studying couples for over 40 years. Their research states that a big component of strong relationships is what they refer to as a “bid of connection.” This is where one partner seeks connection, support, attention, or affection from the other. How the other partner responds to this in the relationship is what matters. It is a great indicator of the success of the relationship when the significant other “turns toward” their partner more times than not.
Although every relationship is unique in the way they thrive there are some keyways everyone can strengthen their relationship. These include:
- Spending time together
- Rid yourself of resentment, anger, and fear
- Express anger in a productive way
- Ask for what you need
- Hug/kiss
- Practice each other’s love language
- Complement each other
- Unplug and be present
Spending time together is a simplistic concept yet spending quality time together can be the most challenging for many couples. Gottman Research Institute reports that couples who are highly satisfied spend about six hours a week dedicated to one another. Dr. Jordan Peterson states couples should spend 90 minutes every week communicating about the domestic economy and the practicalities of their life together as well as needing to go on a date a least once a week (for 90 minutes or longer). Dr. Peterson states, if you do not do that you will become isolated and lonely furthermore creating a backlog of communication which often leads to divorce or the destruction of the relationship.
Riding yourself of resentment, anger, and fear will foster healthy connections. The way to do this is by expressing vulnerability. Couples need to communicate feelings, frustrations, dreams, visions, and expectations. Couples need to do a better job of talking about things that inspire them as well as exchanging communication about how much they love and care for each other.
Expressing anger in a productive way is essential for the health and emotional safety of the couple. Waiting to cool down, taking a step back from intense situations helps each person to process better in order to express in a non-threatening and less reactive manner. Talking out situations with honesty and consideration is best. Ask for forgiveness, say sorry, and repairing any damage will always preserve the health of the relationship.
Asking for what you need is the best way to communicate expectations. Partners want to be supportive but often do not know how. Being forthcoming with what you want can lead to better appreciation and less conflict in a relationship.
Studies show that hugging and kissing for 20 seconds or longer have shown to decrease blood pressure and reduce stress. Resulting in tension release. The “love hormone” oxytocin is released creating relaxation and enhanced bonding.
Practicing each other’s love language shows your partner that you cherish and care about them. When a partner puts in the effort to know their partner’s preference and execute it their love often grows deeper. Most people feel more loved when their partner pays attention to what fulfills them!
Complementing each other at least once a day can shift a partner’s overall perspective of themselves and their outlook on life. It’s an act of support and affection. You cannot lose with this act of consideration!
Unplugging and being present is so important for couples. Making a conscience effort to unplug and spend quality time together without interruptions. Couples need time to focus on each other. This is also a way to show how important you are to each other.
Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts. Making an intentional effort to connect, communicate, and show appreciation can make a significant difference in your relationship. Focusing on these small impactful actions can enhance your relationship and ensure that love and connection will continue to grow.
Resources
Gottman, John & Julie (March 7, 2017) The One Thing Any Couple Can Do for Better Connection and Intimacy www.gottman.com
Roach, Taylor (February 2, 2025) Ten Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship
Situmorang, Rachel (Publishing date unknown) What does a good Relationship have on your mental health?